Coming home

on challenging the idea of 'community', and forging pure connections that encourage soul-work.

On the last week of March, I left my home only to find a home within a group of like-spirited strangers who had all come together in a place nestled in the mountains of southern Spain for the same thing - a sense of retreat, an opportunity to disconnect from the routine and to reconnect to a higher purpose and the feeling of coming up for air when you feed your soul what it has been craving for a long time. That sense of communal living and especially in the last week of Ramadan really did feel like coming home. This experience inspired the following thoughts for me…

I grew up in community. My parents have always made it a priority to surround us with good company and people we could see ourselves reflected in and they have taught us the value of creating those spaces so that we may be grounded in a world that moves much too fast. It is the reason we moved from Madrid, the city of my childhood, to England where I have spent my teenage and adult years. In between that we travelled to and lived in different parts of the world for this very purpose, so it is safe to say that community has always been at the core of how we lived our lives, and we have left what we’ve always known in search for it, wherever it may have taken us. Being able to quickly adapt to new situations and new beginnings is a superpower I acquired because of that upbringing.

I thrived in that lifestyle, but growing up also means seeing the world with a different set of eyes to those of a young person. Stepping away from what you've come to know also gives you a fresh perspective and after some time, life has a way of showing you the cracks and making it glaringly obvious when it is time to walk away from an environment that is no longer for you. Getting out of your comfort zone, especially when it will make you stand out from the crowd, is a very scary thing. I do believe that, even though the capacity to do that is now built into the fabric of who I am, it is also the reason I have craved a calmer, steadier life for the past few years. The constant moving, changing and adapting can catch up with you, and I felt the need to slow down and re-evaluate my next steps. In the last few years, I have set roots in London and found peace near the woods, and even though I had not found a fixed community as I'd come to know it, the wealth of knowledge I carried with me also taught me that the village I was looking to build takes time and consideration, and I wholeheartedly trust that my experiences will lead me to the best of company. They already have, alhamdulillah.

Moving through this journey of life, I have always searched for my place in this world. I don't fit any traditional mold, my ethnicity is split up in three, where I currently live is not connected to where I was born, and my birthplace is not connected to where I was raised. Even within the broader Muslim community, I have struggled to fit into the mainstream, middle path. I can easily adapt and connect with a lot of different people because of my rich upbringing, but when it comes to finding the people on which I can count on, where my walls come down and my soul finds respite, that is something that I take very seriously because I don't just want any company, I need a deeper connection with spirituality taking front and center of that. This search for a niche set of elements all coming together can seem too difficult to find, but I have seen the wonders that happen when that magic finally strikes and this means I can no longer settle for less than that.

I have also found that communities become like families, and like families, we can start to become too comfortable with each other, the initial spark can be lost once familiarity sets in and suddenly you're faced with all the sides of the human beings that surround you, not just the shiny side that pulled you in at the start. This can sometimes make the dynamics feel stagnant, when we get comfortable we can overlook a lot of things that we never would have been okay with at the start, in ourselves and in those around us. Your values and principles start taking the shape of whatever works for the collective group and the idea of rocking the boat, even if it's to stand up for what you believe in, feels like an impossible task. As humans, we crave the feeling of belonging so much that it can eclipse everything else, and that's why I'm resisting the idea of 'community', I know in my heart that what I need goes beyond that.

Fast forward to the last week of Ramadan, where I went looking for a sense of retreat and respite and in turn I received the gift of soul-companionship. I don’t know if that’s the term, but essentially when a group of people travel from far, leave their comforts behind and gather in one place solely for the purpose of soul-work, the purest of connections are formed. The purpose of everything that we do is raised and our souls recognise that and recognise each other. Up to this point, I was under the impression that making friends in your adult years was a near impossible task… it turns out that I was looking in the wrong places, or perhaps it’s just that when a unique set of circumstances sync together they make way for the most beautiful of encounters. It may be harder to come by in my day-to-day but now I know that they exist. Now I know that my village may not be at my door step, but the opportunities to forge deep connections with people who share my vision of life is worth travelling far distances for. It may look different to what I’ve always known up to this point, but it gives me so much more than I ever imagined and so it is worth nurturing, preserving and pouring into. The energy cannot possibly become stagnant in such an environment, our egos have already been worked on with every step that takes us further away from our comfort zones, so that by the time we meet we are free from the worldly baggage that pulls us down, we just want to rise and help each other rise too. The companionship that is formed under these circumstances open up the beautiful opportunity of being mirrors for one another. We come together for the sake of something higher, we are confronted with the areas of ourselves that need more work and polishing, and we rejoice in the discomfort of growth and self-improvement, as a collective and as individuals. What a gift that is, and how rare it is to come by.

I have my parents to thank for the stepping stones they laid out for me to learn that this world is harder when you’re alone and that there is a sweetness to life when you can share it with others in a big way, not just within your immediate circle. It is thanks to the people I have met along the way, the teachings I received and the experiences I was fortunate enough to live that I am where I am today. My whole point with this post is to acknowledge that gratitude for your past does not equate to an inability to make different decisions for your future. It is to encourage you to question the norm, to re-evaluate whether the dynamics you have become accustomed to are still benefiting you or whether it’s time for a change, and especially to let you know that life is a constant change, whether we resist it or decide to go with it. Life will move without us, so don’t stay put out of fear, don’t wait until you can no longer recognise yourself or your surroundings… change is necessary for growth, so be brave and discover the magic that unfolds when you wander off the path you’ve always known, if that’s what your heart and soul are pulling you towards.

Please feel free to reach out if you would like to continue discussing this topic with me, or share your thoughts in the comment section to allow for an open conversation with everyone that reads and resonates with this. I hope that my reflections were beneficial, and I hope that we all find a pure sense of belonging that challenges us to become the best versions of ourselves.